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21, so I'm a legal alcoholic. jk... sorta. A heart of gold. West Coastin'. The City of Angels is where my heart resides. I'm a Slauson Baby. (2 live & DIE in L.A!) Perseverance. Motivation. Goals. Music. I'm a dreamer who's turning her thoughts into reality... and trying to find herself in between, so bare with me. I don't bite, unless you're into that kinda thing.

 

Bittersweet.

I have my job interview (which if I may add I know I will fucking nail!).

It’s not till the afternoon, so after I think I’m just going to go for a walk in Santa Monica.. I haven’t done that in a looooong time. And I need it.

Till then, because I need major distractions.. I will be watching Pitch Perfect… AGAIN.

sigh. :(

I lay here on my bed, no shame, no embarrassment anymore. I put my pride aside. I can finally say it now… “you won”. I can’t believe it actually kinda hurt to say that right now. I’ve never said it without completely meaning it like I do right now. I’m in complete shock from my reaction to this. I didn’t think I would cry about this anymore. I suppose some feelings hadn’t gone away.

You won. You got it all. I guess to be honest, I never really had it I just thought I did. Man that hurts more to say. But then I say to myself, what if I had won? I would be her 10 years from now. Believe me, that is not a happy life. I deserve better and I will never ever settle for anything less.

I will remain with my head held high. NO regrets.

Lord knows not only have I changed as a person but the way I present myself in this past year. I am the COMPLETE opposite & I have almost nothing I had anymore. I’ve lost friends but I’m not even tripping off of that anymore because at the end of every year it’s always the same ones that have stayed. Although I even got a new job, needless to say I’ll be taking a step back to my old one. I learned that trying to fast forward your life on your own is not good. To most a young man shattered my heart but I’d like to think that he helped me understand many things & opened my eyes to this big beautiful world & I’m glad to call him one of my mains. I was told a very long time ago that people in your life are here for a reason, season or lifetime & this year I finally understood what that meant. I am even forever inked now. At the beginning of 2012 God knows what I was set out to do & although this year was not what I thought it was going to be I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Lessons learned. 2013 let’s to it.

Lord knows not only have I changed as a person but the way I present myself in this past year. I am the COMPLETE opposite & I have almost nothing I had anymore. I’ve lost friends but I’m not even tripping off of that anymore because at the end of every year it’s always the same ones that have stayed. Although I even got a new job, needless to say I’ll be taking a step back to my old one. I learned that trying to fast forward your life on your own is not good. To most a young man shattered my heart but I’d like to think that he helped me understand many things & opened my eyes to this big beautiful world & I’m glad to call him one of my mains. I was told a very long time ago that people in your life are here for a reason, season or lifetime & this year I finally understood what that meant. I am even forever inked now. At the beginning of 2012 God knows what I was set out to do & although this year was not what I thought it was going to be I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Lessons learned. 2013 let’s to it.